Having kids is like unlocking a new level of parenthood. And in the whirlwind of diapers, feedings, tantrums (oh, the tantrums!), and zero sleep, your relationship can quietly slide to the bottom of the priority list.
With all of the new chaos….. your relationship still matters. A strong partnership not only supports your mental and emotional health but also creates a loving, stable environment for your twins to thrive in.
As I lost myself to motherhood in the year or so after my twins were born, maintaining a strong relationship took A LOT of work on both of our ends.
Now, after 2.5 years into twin parenthood, the hard work paid off! As the twins are getting more and more independent, we’re getting closer and closer together.
So how do you nurture your relationship when you’re already running on fumes? Grab your lukewarm coffee and let’s chat about how to make time for your relationship after having twins—without needing a nanny, a time machine, or superpowers.
1. Start with Micro-Moments of Connection
You don’t need hours of alone time to feel close. With a baby, you likely don’t have hours. But little moments? Totally doable.
- Quick hugs and kisses when passing each other.
- Text check-ins during the day—even a “Thinking of you” goes a long way.
- Five-minute cuddle sessions after bedtime routines (even if you’re covered in snack crumbs).
- Eye contact during conversations (instead of both staring at a white noise machine willing the babies to sleep).
These micro-moments build emotional intimacy and remind you both that you’re still in this together.
2. Schedule “No-Pressure” Time Together
This isn’t about wine and roses (though hey, if you’ve got them, don’t let me stop you). Sometimes, it’s just about being intentional with your together time.
- Friday night “couch dates” after the kids go down—pop popcorn, queue up a show you both love, and wear sweatpants like it’s a lifestyle (because it is).
- Morning coffee chats—even 10 minutes before the chaos begins.
- Sunday night check-ins to talk about the week, your wins, struggles, and how you’re feeling—not just about parenting, but about each other.
Put it in your calendar if you have to. If it’s not scheduled, it’s too easy to let it slide.
3. Lean on a Support System (Seriously—Ask for Help!)
Repeat after me: You do not have to do it all alone.
- Ask grandparents, aunts, uncles, or trusted friends to babysit—even for just an hour.
- Trade date nights with another twin family (they get it!).
- Hire a sitter for two hours once a month and go grab coffee, walk around Target, or just sit in the car in silence together. (No judgment. Sometimes silence is romance.)
Even if you can’t do this weekly, monthly time away from the kids can do wonders for your connection.
It doesn’t have to be for long periods of time, either. Just a couple of hours of parent alone time will help strengthen your bond.
Try really hard when in these moments together to NOT TALK ABOUT THE KIDS. This is really hard to do at first- but reach deep down and have adult conversation that isn’t about poop and sleep schedules. (But definitely you can make a quick statement about how cute your babies are)
4. Divide and Conquer, but Reconnect Later
Tag-teaming is a survival strategy if you have multiple kids. One does bath time while the other handles dinner. One’s on poop patrol, the other’s doing bedtime songs.
But don’t let the divide-and-conquer mode last forever.
Check in at the end of the day. Share something funny your babies did. Vent if needed. Laugh if you can. Remind each other that you’re on the same team- even if it feels like one is on offense and the other is on defense.
5. Make Time for Physical Intimacy (No Pressure, Just Presence)
Sometimes after pregnancy and the postpartum period, physical intimacy might feel like climbing Everest in flip-flops. Whether it’s body image, exhaustion, or stress—it’s normal for intimacy to shift.
Instead of focusing on “getting back to normal,” focus on rediscovering each other—emotionally and physically—in your new season of life.
- Hand-holding, back rubs, or just snuggling on the couch are great places to start.
- Talk openly about how you’re feeling. Vulnerability brings you closer.
- Remember: it’s not about perfection, it’s about connection.
6. Talk About Something Besides the Kids
Parenting life is all-consuming, but don’t forget—you’re both more than just parents
- Talk about your dreams, hobbies, favorite Netflix theories, or whether cereal is soup – (I’m a ‘no’ on that one)
- Laugh together. Share memes. Be silly. Flirt.
- Ask each other questions like: “What’s something you want to do together this year?” or “If we could take a trip tomorrow, where would we go?”
Keeping your couple identity alive is just as important as keeping your kids fed (ok, maybe not as important, but close!).
7. Celebrate the Small Wins
Just making it through the day with small children is a win in itself. But don’t wait for anniversaries or grand gestures to celebrate your relationship.
- Celebrate a full night’s sleep (even if it was just one random night).
- Celebrate your teamwork when all kids threw tantrums and no one cried (except the toddlers).
- Celebrate a successful couch date, or even just remembering to say “I love you” before falling asleep mid-sentence.
Gratitude fuels love. Don’t underestimate the power of a quick “Hey, I appreciate you.”
8. Protect Each Other’s Sanity
Sometimes, love looks like letting your partner nap while you take the kids to the park. Or tackling an extra night feeding so they can rest. Or making their favorite tea when they look like they’re running on fumes.
When you support each other’s wellbeing, you both feel more seen, loved, and ready to give back to the relationship.
It’s you two against the mess, not you two in a mess.
9. Therapy Isn’t Just for Emergencies
Parenthood is a lot. If communication feels strained or you’re feeling distant, there’s no shame in seeking help.
Couples therapy or even brief check-ins with a counselor can:
- Improve communication
- Rebuild connection
- Help you both feel heard
It’s not a sign of failure—it’s a sign you care enough to invest in your partnership.
You don’t even have to go to in-person therapy. There are plenty of resources for online therapy sessions. Check in with your insurance! Some places are even cheap enough to pay out of pocket without breaking the bank.
10. Give Yourself (and Each Other) Grace
It’s a fact- you will mess up. You’ll snap at each other. You’ll forget date night. You’ll feel like passing ships in the night.
That’s okay.
Parenting is intense. Parenting multiples is a even more chaos. But every time you try—every cuddle, every shared joke, every “I’m sorry” and “I love you”—you’re investing in your relationship.
And just like with parenting, there’s no perfect way to do this. But showing up for each other, again and again? That’s love. That’s resilience. That’s partnership.
Final Thoughts
Making time for your relationship after having children isn’t about elaborate date nights or picture-perfect romance. It’s about intentionality, connection, and teamwork. You’re building something beautiful—not just as parents, but as partners.
So hold each other tight (even if one kid is climbing on your back and the other just spilled Cheerios in your bed). You’re doing an amazing job.
