Dividing my attention between two toddlers is hard. I thought I was a great multitasker before having kids- but this is some next-level multitasking that sometimes feels impossible.
Trying to split your attention between two toddlers can feel like trying to be in two places at once. I’m a mom to 2.5-year-old twins, and some days it feels like I’m constantly running back and forth about to get whiplash.
But in the last couple of years, I’ve learned a few things to keep my sanity and keep both my kids feeling loved and seen. Here’s how I do it.
1. Accept That You Can’t Give 100% to Both, All the Time
Perfection is a myth. I had to get comfortable with the fact that sometimes one kid gets my full attention while the other is solo. Or even better yet- the other is having a meltdown I’m momentarily ignoring.
It’s okay. It doesn’t mean I love one more than the other. Or that the other’s feelings don’t matter. It just means I’m human and I’m doing my best to keep everyone alive and happy.
2. Create “Together” Time and “Separate” Time
Trying to create small moments where I spend time with each twin individually helps me keep my head on straight.
For example, while they play side by side with a shared activity like blocks, coloring, Playdoh, I’m fully present, but I have to divide my focus between the two.
When I can, I try and create short one-on-one time with each twin. Even something like a quick 10 minutes reading a book or playing with each twins favorite toy makes a big difference.
It helps them feel seen as individuals, and it gives me a second to breathe from the chaos of double the demands.
3. Use Their Similarities to Your Advantage
Twins often love the same things. (at least mine do!) I try use that to my advantage by setting up activities that both enjoy at the same time.
For example: snack time, playing with an interactive toy, building a puzzle, or going to the park.
This way, I’m not constantly switching gears or trying to mediate two wildly different interests. Of course, they have their own personality and likes, but the overlap means I can be efficient with my attention.
4. Set Clear Routines and Expectations
Toddlers thrive on routine, and with twins, it’s even more critical. Having a consistent daily schedule creates predictability that helps them know what’s coming next and reduces chaos.
I’ve also learned to verbalize what I expect, like “We sit down for snack time together,” or “We hold hands when we cross the street.”
When expectations are clear and repeated often, it’s much easier to manage both kids at once.
5. Divide and Conquer With Your Partner or Support System
If you have a partner, friend, or family nearby, tag-teaming is a complete game-changer. Even if it’s just a few minutes here and there where someone else distracts one twin while you focus on the other, it’s such a relief.
Sometimes I’ll ask my partner to take one twin outside for a few minutes while I get the other settled for a nap or change clothes. These little breaks keep my mental energy from completely bottoming out.
We also make it a point to verbalize which twin we’re watching. That way I know which kid I have to focus on. Makes it so much easier when each adult “claims” a twin for that moment.
6. Stay Present in the Moment
I know this sounds cliché, but staying present helps me not get overwhelmed. When I focus on what one twin is doing or saying right now instead of thinking about what the other one might be doing or what’s coming next, it helps me be more patient and responsive.
It’s like I’m toggling focus moment to moment, and while my brain feels fried by the end of the day, I know I was really there for both of them in their moments.
7. Embrace the Chaos and Laugh Often
Sometimes the best way to survive is to laugh. Twins come with double the mess, double the noise, and double the chaos, but there’s also double the hilarious moments.
I hate when people tell me that I’m “going to miss this.” – but I know that I am. There’s going to come a day when both kids won’t need me at all- let alone at the same time.
Sometimes, when they both are pining for my attention, really the only thing I can do is laugh and remind myself (and them) that I’m only one person.
Keeping a sense of humor makes dividing my attention feel less like a chore and more like an adventure.
8. Give Yourself Grace
Some days I’m all over it, dividing my attention like a multitasking mom pro. Other days (a lot of days), I’m exhausted and losing my patience every five minutes. And that’s okay.
Motherhood (especially of twins) is hard. Give yourself grace, and don’t compare your “mom game” to anyone else’s highlight reel on social media.
You’re doing an amazing job just by showing up.
